28 Sep My Journey as an Empath
My journey has an empath has been a rocky one. Most certainly I developed or enhanced my empathic skills as a child in an instable home, as I can imagine, many of empaths/sensitive souls have. You see my mother had severe mental health issues. She could be extremely happy, extremely angry and extremely sad and I had to be very sensitive to her needs. Then at 12 she became very physically ill with ME and I had to also become very sensitive to her physical needs as her full time carer.
As the years went on my mother became more fearful, self focused/narcissistic and so became more controlling and emotionally abusive. I felt like I was responsible for her happiness and physical/mental well being. I did so much for her, cleaning the house, the cooking, advocating with doctors etc, fought with family members over her needs…the list goes on. She turned me against family including my dad and I felt extremely lonely. As I got older, in my teenage years, I started to want more freedom, to do things for me and have my own identity. It was met with guilt trips, anger, manipulation and underlying threats of self harm. By 19, I had my first break down and dropped out of university. My anxiety was out of control and the depression was deep. However, I had a spiritual teacher who taught me mediumship and to connect with my guides. Through this I no longer felt alone and it helped me to stop the depression (but the anxiety would keep rising up through out my life).
I then went on to train as a Probation Officer and moved to London to be with my now husband. Things got worse with mum, so I tried to stay away more. But being that I am so sensitive I just wanted her to be ok and everyone-else – it was exhausting!!
We eventually moved back up north (Leeds) to start a family. I was working within substance misuse at the time, but was treated very badly – anxiety crept in and I left work as I worried my increasing mental health issues would not be good for my baby. I then had a beautiful baby girl. I couldn’t find work so stayed home and a few years later had my son. I loved being a mum, but struggled still trying to keep mum happy and be the mum I wanted to be. I found I would really lose my temper with my kids, especially as my daughters behaviour became more and more difficult as she got older. She was not yet diagnosed with Autism and we were naive to her needs, so handling her autism very badly. (We did eventually get her and us the support we needed and she is now doing really well).I started seeing a counsellor after my daughter was born, and she started helping me see how unhealthy my relationship with my mum was. But it took years for me to truly realise the extent of the problem. In fact, it didn’t really sink in until I left my then job with probation and began working with domestic abuse victims, that things really started to make sense. I realised that I recognised a lot of the more subtle abuses. However, I then lost what I thought was my dream job with a women’s charity and had my 3rd anxiety breakdown. I went back to my counsellor and she asked me to consider life without my mum in it. At first that seemed terrible, but she encouraged me to at least put more boundaries in place. So, feeling a little stronger I tried to ask my mum to give me some space. The reaction I got was so bad, I finally realised if I was ever going to have the space to heal, I had to cut her out. Which I did.
That was 4 years ago. It was, without a doubt the hardest thing have ever done, but it was also the most significant. Since then I have been on one hell of a healing journey – more counselling – training in hypnotherapy and receiving hypnotherapy myself – developing my mediumship – growing a circle of amazing friends who are healers, empaths and light workers – reading and studying spiritual and self help books – being coached in the 3principles – and hours and hours of meditation and self hypnosis to heal the deeper wounds and find a way to forgive myself and my mum.
Its certainly has not been easy , but I firmly believe it was the path I was meant to take to get me here. To give me the tools I need to help others and now through my own unique Serene Spiritual Hypnotherapy and Coaching, I am helping other sensitive folk to understand themselves better, to see how amazing they are and step into their own power, their own way….and I bloody love it!!!!